$squirrelOG
ContractCVEG3yh4pWzcqM2S17zrbZd8CG8d543wNWr3sjiEpump

Municipal woodland enforcement

squirrel with gun

He decides when the feeder opens.

squirrel with gun

Park Authority

At dawn he claims the north feeder, inspects every shell, and files a report in acorn form. His pistol is comically oversized; the rules are purely suggestions. He nods politely before issuing warnings to trespassing pigeons.

The squirrel and its pistol on a ranger's desk beside a locked acorn crate and a neat row of acorns
  • Steady PawsOne paw on procedure, one on the trigger guard.
  • Acorn PriorityBreakfast secured first; town safety maybe later.
  • Tail CoverProvides shade, concealment, and unsolicited weather updates.

Known Habits

His jurisdiction runs from the old oak to the dented bin. Outside that, negotiations consist of intense staring and dramatic pauses. He stars in every ridiculous scene the park provides.

  • Ticker

    $squirrelOG

  • Daily Shift

    Dawn until the last unattended sandwich.

  • Primary Beat

    North feeder, picnic table, central lawn takeover.

  • Standard Issue

    One enormous pistol; holster optional.

  • Preferred Fee

    Six acorns, arranged by taste and structural integrity.

  • Known Rival

    A pigeon with attitude and no boundaries.

The squirrel hugging its oversized pistol

squirrel with gun

Keep both paws on protocol.